What It Would Be Like If You Called Me

You: "So what's new?"

Me: "Well, I watched the Superbowl the other day and I'm super happy that the Giants won - actually I'm just happy that the Patriots lost - but here in England the game was on BBC2 which is owned by the government, paid for by taxes, and therefore has no commercial breaks. It was like only watching half the game."

You: "So what'd they do during the commercial breaks?"

Me: "They cut to some British announcers sitting in the nose bleed seats of the stadium who would explain American football. And then they'd just replay what just happened. You really notice how much downtime in football there is when there's no commercials."

You: "That kinda sucks, but at least the Pats lost."

Me: "True."

You: "Hey how's the leg?"

Me: "It's alright. Turns out I don't have gout, but now my doctors trying to get me in to see some kind of 'aches and pains' specialist."

You: "Aren't all doctors aches and pains specialists? Isn't that the point of a doctor."

Me: "You'd think so, but apparently you have to have a letter of recommendation to see this guy."

You: "You're kinda bitter."

Me: "I can't be bitter . . . it's Pancake Day."

You: "What the hell is Pancake Day?"

Me: "It's what the English call Fat Tuesday. You make pancakes and put all the stuff on them that you need to clear out of your cupboard because you can't eat it over Lent."

You: "What, like butter and syrup?"

Me: "Naw, like Nutella and ice cream."

You: "That's stupid. Hey man, I gotta go. Later."

Me: "Later."