Sunday, September 30, 2007

The Plight of Foregin Nationals

I tried to get a cell phone the other day (and I will continue to call it a cell phone till the day I die) but I was denied because I am a "foreign national." Apparently you have to live in the country for about three years before you can get a phone contract. It's good that my new thing is not taking rejection at face value so we'll see if the phone companies have any way to detect the bold face lying of immigrants.

Moral: Be nice to your foregin nationals, they belong somewhere.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Things people have never said to me . . . before now.

"I love your accent."

"You look like Mika" (

"Do you fancy her?"

"What's a Twinke?"

"I can't wait to go to America. I want to go to Alabama."

"He's the bloke who always wears tight trousers."

"Were you rat-assed last night?"

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Killing Rabbits with the Third Reich

Tongiht I ate dinner with Terry. It was a little bit awkward because I know that before dinner Terry likes to go outisde and kill blind rabbits with a shovel. It was perhaps even more awkward - perhaps - in that Terry spent part of the meal listening to the National Anthem of the Thrid Reich on his iPod. Let me explain:

I got the chance to go for a run the other day, and I ran into a rabbit. Actually, it'd probably be more accurate to say that a rabbit ran into me. On the 72 acres where I live there are loads of rabbits - loads - so seeing one is not a rare occurance. But apparently the rabbits here have developed a disease called myxmatosis which, among other things, causes them to become oddly bumpy until their eyes swell up and they go blind. It then takes the blind rabbit roughtly 13 days to starve to death and rot into a hollow, bumpy, rabbit shell.

Anyway, I began my run on a trail through the woods with a very narrow entrance, and I was not surprised to see a rabbit standing in my path. After all, there are loads of them here - loads. But I was surprised that this rabbit didn't move out of my way. I stomped the gound and yelled, "Hey, Rabbit!" in my most Terry-sounding voice until this rabbit could sense it was in danger.

The rabbit then shot off to the right about four feet and crashed head first (as head first is the only way rabbits travel) into a fallen log. Looking bumpy and confused, the rabbit then turned and, more cautiously this time, hobbled into my feet. The third time was a charm and the rabbit found it's way into wooded saftey.

As I continue my run along on the beautiful English earth, past a few hollowed, bumpy, rabbit carcases, pondering "Hollow Rabbit" as a band name, I run into Terry cleaning the blunt end of a shovel in a rain puddle. His eyes lit up when I told him the location of my furry little friend, but at dinner he relayed that he could not find it. As for Terry's music selection, I have no idea what the hell was going on there.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Have you felt the bubbles melt yet?

I had a candy bar the other day called "Aero" with the tag line "have you felt the bubbles melt?" I thought this sounded like an exciting adventure into foreign candy land, and I imagined a candy bar with the frightening yet harmonious marriage of chocolate and Pop Rocks. I thought that my experience with this candy bar would be equal to that of the first American who heard the Spice Girls and thought, "Wow, the UK has something really special here. I can't wait to bring this to America."

Needless to say, I was disapointed to discover that an Aero bar is a chocolate bar infused with, well, nothing. It is chocolate and air. The "bubbles" are just air. "Have you felt the disapointment melt yet?" Chocolate with air bubbles will do the trick. It's a good thing the Jelly Babies I bought were awesome, or I might have to boycott English candy (sweets as they'd say) all together.

Friday, September 21, 2007

After the first retreat . . .

The retreat with 80+ girls (and 2 boys) from South London (who were almost all black btw - not that it mattered, but I was wasn't expecting to overcome both a cultural and racial barriers) could not have gone better. Instead of boring detalis, here are some quotes that made me laugh:

"Sit on your Mum!" ~Girl being mean to another girl

"Can you say, 'I'd like a cup of tea,' in an English accent?"
"I don't think I can't say that in an English accent."

"Can you speak in an American accent?"
"Totally awesome dude."

"Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!" (with two-handed finger guns waving overhead) ~apparently this means that you are somewhat dangerous, and it's a celebration.

"Where is the bloody sugar?" ~Beth, SPEC Volunteer

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Day 1

At this point I feel like I'm up eleven days past my bedtime. I'm becoming delusional from no sleep, and I feel like I hear Oasis songs everywhere I go. Actually the people in the hallway are just listening to Oasis which is an awesomely stereotypical. Tomorrow I will be leading a group of 80 to 100 16-year-old English girls, and I think I've figured out what Sandra ment by "You'll be getting right into it."

Monday, September 17, 2007


So after 2 attempts to get a visa the Brits have finally decided to let me into their country. Bon voyage America.