Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Viva Loss Vegas

To back track a little . . . 

During my time in the US I was lucky enough to attend my niece's (now Goddaughter's) baptism in Las Vegas and unlucky enough to try my luck at slots, craps, black jack, poker, and sports betting.  On this holy occasion, I learned that I am the worlds worst gambler.  I lost at everything I touched.  Fast.  You'd be surprised how much you can lose at penny slot machines if you never win anything.  Still, I had plenty of free drinks, largely because I was the only non-AARP member in the casino, and I had a great vacation from my vacation.

I stayed at a casino/hotel on the edge of town called The Eastside Cannery.  The Cannery only opened a few months ago, and it was a very nice hotel and casino despite the terrible theme (and terrible odds, in my case).  Apparently, whoever designed the casino thought the patrons would want the feel of being in a modern canning factory.  Most of The Cannery patrons looked as if they already spent the lion share of their day in an actual canning factory, so I'm not sure why "canning" was picked as a theme, but it was.

The redeeming part of the "canning" theme was the Cannery's logo.   The logo looks like an early 1800's Betty Crocker if Betty had married an alcoholic and was forced to move west where she gave up her lucrative baking carrier to become the madame of a small but friendly town brothel.  This sly-eyed vixen beckons you into the canning factory.  Something we can all relate to.

Actually, being Vegas, brothel may have been an alternative service at the Cannery.  Frank, my one-legged Pai-Gow Poker dealer, told me that he would never sleep with the ugly cocktail waitress even though "she was begging for it."  Frank said that they went out once, but she got really, really drunk really, really quickly and then tried to wheel Frank back to the Cannery where she had stolen a room key.  I'm glad that while Frank took my money he and I grew close enough for him to share his romantic history with me.  I made sure not to tip the waitress too big, just in case she got the wrong idea.

Fact about me #58
I don't like gambling as much as the rest of my family.  I also find that I don't really care about wining anymore.  There must be something in this English water because that is just un-American.